Recently, I participated in a podcast discussion where we explored the many ways to heal and how I offer my work of Quantum Healing Hypnosis and intuitive sessions as one of those paths. (The full episode here) The conversation flowed naturally, touching on what it is that I do, and in a moment of complete honesty I said,
” …whatever it is that I’m doing I don’t know what I am doing. I’m just doing what feels aligned. I don’t know how to say it sometimes.”
I’ve spent over 15 years exploring and immersing myself in the nuance and subtleties of spirit communication, intuitive communication, and various forms of energetic healing. And still I find myself wondering how to explain what it is that I “do.”
Each person’s journey and energetic frequency is so special and unique that I find myself having to stay flexible and adjust myself to the way that they communicate energetically. Think of it like changing the settings on a dial to find the connection or station in which they connect. When working with others, no two interactions are ever the same.
But this post isn’t just about the ongoing exploration of my work. It’s about how the things we often view or categorize as problems are actually the solution or the key toward it spiritual growth, awareness, intuition, and your highest potential.
After we disconnected from the podcast, my energy felt amplified. Up until recently I’ve kept my work private and by referral only, and for the first time I had discussed my practice in a public way. As I reflected upon the wonderful moments throughout our discussion, I could slowly feel my old thought patterns and feelings of vulnerability bubble up. My mind started to recall specific moments of what I shared, how I said it, then began picking it apart.
I thought I was over the weight of self doubt and ok with not knowing. Was I in denial? Was I living in a false view of myself? Or maybe I wasn’t really evolving? As you can see, this was the beginning of the downward spiral of self-doubt.
I thought about how in most spaces, “I don’t know” is often viewed as unprepared or underqualified
and how we live in a world mostly obsessed with five-year plans, yearly goals, experts, net worth, followers, and neatly categorized identities.
I could feel the weight start to build until something clicked followed by a brief pause. Why was I giving so much weight to three words? This tiny second was all that was needed to release all of the weight. I realized that I had the power to choose the way I wanted to process this.
Throughout the rest of the day, I used this as a way to organize these thought patterns and sit with them because they had not resurfaced in such a long time. Probably because I had been avoiding them by remaining private.
This is what growth, realignment, awakening, and evolving looks like in practice. It’s about living in the alignment of your words, thoughts, and actions everyday. This includes loving both the light and the shadows within us as well. On a side note, in the past a lot of the things I thought were “positive” or in “love & light” were sometimes the things that blocked me from my growth.
I spent the evening sitting with my doubts and discomfort, journaling and reflecting. What I realized is that I wasn’t expressing a lack of skill, I was expressing a refusal to box myself in. To honor the commitment I made to myself when I decided to go on this inner journey to remain open and clear even if that meant to be nothing. At the time, that was my biggest, deep down in my gut fear. That I would fulfill the words of my parents and become nothing because that’s what I was without them when I completely disconnected from them.
I also began to wonder about the way definitions and how we use them reflect where we are on our journey. What you define will often change with you as you evolve so its usually a good point of reference to see where you are and redefine as needed.
Definitions and titles such as Healer, Channeler, or Spiritual Guide
help to describe who we are within social norms although I’ve always felt like they caused an imbalance for me (it is also connected to a past life in this post).
My own QHHT session helped me to confirm the origin of this so that I could let it go and see that they also serve a purpose. They can help us to see patterns, categorize, and organize so that we can learn more about ourselves. An example of this could be deciding who you are, what you are able to do, the range of what you are able to experience something, and what you are unable to do. The imbalance comes from adding permanent worth or value rather than a point of reference in time. So instead of describing it becomes a deciding of limitations.
Letting go of permanent labels, definitions, beliefs, and titles helped me to change what I used to think an awakening was. My definition was a combination of what I had read or heard from someone else rather than trying to experience it for myself. Becoming something more wise, unphased, ethereal, and someone that was able to smile at any challenge or “negativity”. What I have come to realize through my own experiences of failing and personal discovery is that a true awakening is about remembering who you authentically are. Finding the moments like my downward spiral still in the frequency of love and being able to take a pause to acknowledge that. To not measure growth by a bank account balance, the number of spiritual quotes or books memorized, or the amount of followers online. It is in the every day choices we make that are in alignment with our words, actions, and thoughts.
So to return full circle within this post, when it comes to the work that I do or even when I receive my own intuitive insight, I never truly “know” what I’m doing in the way my logical mind would explain it. This used to really frustrate me although over time, I’ve discovered that its because we are all just energetic vibrations. Frequencies interacting and co-creating with other frequencies and at every moment, that energy is shifting, harmonizing, disconnecting, and creating new ones.
Staying in the “unknown,” keeps me curious and open.
In this state I’m allowing the work to be as vast, fluid, and conscious as the energy itself. This has also helped me tremendously facilitating QHHT sessions and speaking with higher dimensional beings. I’ve seen first hand how every word, feeling, and experience carries a meaning and perspective that is entirely unique to the person experiencing it. We all have an idea of a definition but how we process, express, integrate, share, deny, feel, and observe this is variable.
I believe that being lost and being open are two ways of saying the same thing. The difference is your perspective. Saying “I don’t know” is about my openness and courage to acknowledge that no label is enough to contain the truth of my potential and that of the individuals I’m working with. This also allows what is waiting for me to arrive and what is heavy to leave.
I hope this serves as a loving reminder to explore uncertainty and the things that cause discomfort. Define them, and clarify what they mean to you. I used to avoid uncertainty and now I use it to remind me of the endless potential within each of us.
If you’re curious about exploring your own alignment through QHHT or intuitive work, I’d love to work with you. You can learn more or reach out here.
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